Love is Always There

6 Dec

“Love is always there,” writes Grandmother Parisha, “it needs to be extended to others in order to be felt within ourselves.”

I have witnessed my spiritual mentor and Elder, Grandmother Parisha, extend love to those whom considered themselves her “enemies” – showing them no malice but rather Respect. Whereas she is a formidable Warrior, she is also the consummate Peace Chief.

Time and time again I have seen her turn around a hostile situation by extending love. It totally disarms someone who is expecting a battle.

When someone comes charging at me with an argument, one way I have learned to turn aside their anger is to say simply, “You’re right.”  That can take the wind out of somebody’s sails pretty quickly. Giving someone audience and agreeing with their right to have an opinion can diffuse a potentially dangerous situation.  I have also come to understand that there can be more than one “right” side to any given situation.

“I understand” is another good response to someone trying to criticize or start an argument. It doesn’t mean you’re agreeing with the person, it just shows empathy. Empathy diffuses righteous indignation. It stems the impact of “no one is listening.”

First and foremost, people want to be heard. Listening is a gift we can give to others, i.e. being present and attentive and empathetic – not ready for the comeback or proving them wrong.

Grandmother Parisha is the paramount example I have witnessed in this lifetime of unconditional love. She welcomes all into her circle, even when she knows they may have come with ulterior motives. In the end, her ability to extend love to others is what neutralizes even the most critical and combative.

To internalize this I’ve come to understand that by extending love to others we are forgiving judgments of ourselves. For everyone in the world is really just a reflection – some aspect of myself that is there as a messenger.

So when I encounter opposition, I have to say, “What am I fighting in myself?”

If I can extend love to the opposition, I am extending love to that part of myself. I will feel love within me as I extend it to others.

This is an important lesson, and one not easily learned. But it can set us free. -Deborah Adler

©2010 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved.

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