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A Second Chance for Kindness

29 Mar

One of my favorite expressions is “Kindness doesn’t cost…and you never know whom it might save.”

Well, today “kindness” cost $3.14 – but the lesson was priceless.  I share this because we seldom get a second chance to do something good, or “right.”

I stopped into a fast food restaurant to grab a coffee before going over to the dentist’s office to get 2 teeth extracted. A woman walked in and asked the Manager if she had an extra roll of toilet paper. The Manager looked confused and asked if it was needed in the restroom – and the woman told her, no, she was just wondering if they could afford to give her a roll of toilet paper.  The Manager, of course, said no, and then she and the other counter staff laughed after the woman left.

I watched the woman once she got outside.  She seemed confused.  She went up to cars, presumably trying to see if anyone was in there.  I watched to see if she connected with anyone, but she didn’t. I started to go outside, but hesitated and then she left.

I walked over to the dentist office, regretting that I hadn’t gone out to speak with her.  Shortly after I signed in at the front desk, the woman walked in asking the same question.  Again the same scenario repeated itself. The receptionist seemed puzzled at the question and then told her they couldn’t give her any.  The woman turned dejected and walked out. The chatter started amongst the other people waiting as well as the office staff at the front.  I got up and told the receptionist that I would be right back.

There happened to be a drug store next door.  I called out to the woman, and asked her to come over to me.  I asked her name – Dianne. I asked if she had a job, which she didn’t.  She was on SSI. She had kids. I told her to come inside the drugstore with me.  We went back to the paper goods and I bought her a package of toilet paper.  She thanked me.

When we got outside she started to cry. She wanted to tell me about a man who was “breaking her heart” – and apparently took her assistance check the day before.  I gently  told her that I needed to get back to my appointment and then walked away.

Then I turned around and called out to her again. “You deserve better,“ I said to her. “Just remember,  God loves you and you deserve better.”  She smiled tearfully and we both turned around and walked away.

Any time we allow ourselves to invest even a few moments in another person’s life – we walk away a better person – not because of what we do, but because of what/who we allow to touch us.

She came to me twice. We don’t always get a “second chance” – guess Creator knows how guarded I can be! Glad I listened the second time.

It’s been a good day.  (Even if I did get some teeth pulled!)

-Deb Adler

DISCLAIMER: All the opinions expressed in any articles, blog posts and Internet content written by me are my own and do not reflect the opinions or beliefs of any individuals or organizations with whom I associate.

©2012 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved. (NOTE: ALL quotes and/or materials from other authors or sources remain the sole property of the original authors/source.)

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Persistency Pays Off

27 Mar

“I am a woman in process. I’m just trying like everybody else. I try to take every conflict, every experience, & learn from it.” –Oprah Winfrey

Persistency has been a challenge for me in life.

“Inch-by-inch is a cinch

Yard-by-yard is hard.”

That’s a saying often used in network marketing circles, but it applies to life in general.

As one who often tries to “push the river” I’ve had to embrace a simple but effective means of selling…the “sort.”

Sorting through prospects de-personalizes the “no’s” and helps you get to the “yes’s” faster and with less high drama.

Consistent Effort Yields Consistent Results.

Just this past week I’ve experienced two prime examples of a subtle consistent effort of sharing information with prospects over time resulting in them coming to me with a sense of urgency and saying, “I’m ready to take a real look at this.”

Key factor, “I’m ready.”

When someone is receptive, they’re going to accept the information. When they are resistant, they are going to remain closed off to it – no matter how obvious it might be that they are in need or could benefit from your service or product.

“Surrender” comes to mind. I put in the effort and turn over the outcome to something or someone beyond my immediate desire to manipulate circumstances to my advantage. Because it’s not about just me – it’s about a larger picture that involves the “Greatest Good for All.”

There’s also the fact that good sales entails being a good listener. Find the need and fulfill it – don’t cram what you need down someone else’s throat.

A person’s own timing can be a key element to acceptance. If they feel pressured they walk away. It’s instinctive to protect one’s self. If the door is left open and the atmosphere remains friendly without any sense of obligation or pressure, they are more likely to stay close. Staying close they will continue to be exposed to new information. Eventually they will either “buy” or not – sorting themselves in or out of the picture.

That can require some patience. It also requires losing a sense of desperation. People sense that a mile away – and they run. If you stay interested in the other person’s needs, they’ll keep talking.

I’m getting better at that. This week, I got to see the fruits of  quiet persistency – and non-desperation.

Detachment is very helpful in sales, as in life. There is no one person or occurance upon which the success of my business or my life hangs on. Whatever transpires is all good.

Do the “inch-by-inch” and determine your destination, but let go of the results and be flexible when the course takes an unanticipated turn – because it’s in those moments where God-Creator-The Universe takes over and delivers an even greater outcome than we could have ever imagined!

“All around you no matter where you are is opportunity. You decide its potential and outcome. You are the co-creators. Make a life worthy of all the gifts we are. Love from a place empty of fear. Live in eternal celebration of being chosen for this world and life, and if we manage well, we will dwell in its glory and beauty again.” -Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha


* DISCLAIMER: All the opinions expressed in any articles, blog posts and Internet content written by me are my own and do not reflect the opinions or beliefs of any individuals or organizations with whom I associate.

©2011 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved. (NOTE: ALL quotes and/or materials from other authors or sources remain the sole property of the original authors/source.)

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The Art of Listening

22 Mar

Listening – really listening to another person while they’re talking – requires that one’s attention is on the person who is speaking. Elementary, you say? Maybe. But in the past few days I’ve observed amongst a group of people with whom I do business on a regular basis the alarming lack of attention to the speaker. In fact, I’ve watched as people talk over another – as though they weren’t even there.

The best sales people are good listeners. The best salesperson is going to ask questions to find out their client’s needs and desires. The best salesperson is going to be dedicated to finding a way to fulfill those needs and desires in the best way possible. If you take good care of a client, they become a customer for life. If you don’t, they’ll most likely not be back.

Listening requires being present and paying attention to something outside of our own mind’s yama-yama.

I took part in an exercise years ago that involved pairing up with someone and looking into their eyes without saying anything. Taking turns as the Perceiver and the Seen, the goal of the exercise was to silently acknowledge the person we were looking into. The premise was that many people suffer from feelings of inadequacy because they weren’t “seen” at birth. Their arrival was not celebrated. So they move through their lives feeling starved for attention or missing something, or unworthy.

The exercise was powerful. Some cried. Others laughed. But the overall effect was profound. Some felt they had never been acknowledged as having importance, and this simply exercise offered a tremendous healing.

When we’re in conversation with another, it’s important to focus on that person. That’s true especially for children. How often does an adult pay partial attention to the child that trying so hard to get their attention? If their timing is bad, it’s okay to say “you’re interrupting right now” or some other appropriate direction without making the child wrong or bad. But then it’s important to come back around and give your undivided attention to that little person at some point and give validity to their need.

People crave being listened to. My mother used to grocery shop three times a week just to “visit” with the cashiers who knew her and always had a smile for her and asked about her dogs, and how were things going. They were genuinely interested in her, and it helped her to feel cared about.

The best gift we can give to another is our full attention, because that’s saying to them, “You’re important. What you have to say is important. I value you.”

The art of listening is just another aspect of Respect. In a world where too often people shout at each other without hearing what the other person is saying, we need to foster all the Respect we can, whenever and wherever we can.   -Deborah Adler

“Mutual respect is the foundation of genuine harmony. We should strive for a spirit of harmony, not for political or economic reasons, but rather simply because we realize the value of other traditions.” – Dalai Lama

“We are aware on all levels of our inner-actions with the Source Of All. We see it in Nature. The Seasons, the Sunrise and Sunset, the Winds, the Clouds, the Rains. Creator is in the cry of the newly born, and the scream of the Mother in birth. It is in our children’s laughter and our tears, in our songs and in our work. We see it in all the creatures that live in this world with us. We see it in all mankind. Where is God not?” –Grandmother’s Legacy by Pa’Ris’Ha*

*© Copyright 2002 Parisha. All Rights Reserved.  © Copyright 2007 Parisha Online. All Rights Reserved.


DISCLAIMER: All the opinions expressed in any articles, blog posts and Internet content written by me are my own and do not reflect the opinions or beliefs of any individuals or organizations with whom I associate.

©2011 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved. (NOTE: ALL quotes and/or materials from other authors or sources remain the sole property of the original authors/source.)

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Life as a Paradox

11 Mar

Definition: “something (such as a situation) that is made up of two opposite things and that seems impossible but is actually true or possible.”

I’m studying the Tao Te Ching. There are 81 verses. It’s possible to spend a lifetime studying these verses, which for the most part don’t have even twenty lines to them – but boy, do they nail Truth.

Of course, I can’t really explain what I’m reading, but when I read it there’s an innate recognition – I feel an “Ah-hah.” Somewhere deep in my Being, I recognize Mystery.

Paradox.  Know it, but can’t explain it. Recognize it, but never saw it before. I do know that when it starts talking about the Master Teacher, I recognize my spiritual mentor and Elder of 25 years, Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha. It’s uncanny.

It seems the more we seek something the more it eludes us – whether it be prosperity, position, relationship – whatever. Perhaps it has to do with the Principle of Attraction.

When we concentrate our thoughts on what we don’t have – our focus is on what we lack. We give so much attention to that that we end up creating more lack.

Even when we’re carefully crafting goals in totally positive terms, if we’re concentrating on creating results, we are probably blocking our own success. We’ve become accustomed to plotting out the course to our goals. Quantum Physics tells us if we clearly define our beginning point and end point, the Universe will fill in the details. Another paradox.

“The Master leads

by emptying people’s minds

and filling their cores

by weakening their ambitions

and toughening their resolves…”*

There’s an old Chinese proverb about a Teacher and student. The teacher starts pouring tea into the student’s cup but continues pouring even as the tea overflows and pours all over the table. When the student questions why, the Teacher responds that the student’s mind is like the full cup of tea. The student has come to the Teacher pretty full of himself. Only when the student would be willing to let go of what he thought he knew, i.e. empty his mind, would the Teacher be able to work with him.

Recovery from addiction is a lot like that. We tend to walk in thinking we know what we need to do to “beat this thing” – and slowly we learn from the shared experiences of others present that in order to triumph over our addiction we need to “surrender,” form a partnership with the God of our understanding, and empty out what we think we know so we can really learn.

Another Paradox.

If my best thinking got me in a place of dire straights, it’s highly likely that only by building my core values will I transcend my predicament. Empty out in order to receive.

My ambition in life might be to rise to a particular position or status or income level – whatever – but only when I resolve to live a life of service will I achieve all that I want through helping others.

That’s not my wisdom. I’ve been hearing it from my Elder for 25 years, only to be reinforced in recovery rooms, by inspirational speakers and business motivators.

Now I’m reading it in the Tao.

I guess when we finally quit complicating life we find the simple solutions. If you find yourself thinking about something, “It can’t be that simple!” – you probably need an Ego check. Lose your self-importance and gain Wisdom.

Another Paradox…. 🙂

“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.” –Oprah Winfrey

“Allow each second of your time to be filled with a kindness to all and include yourself!” -Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha

-Deborah Adler

*Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu

©2011 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved. (NOTE: All quotes remain the sole property of the original authors.)

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One Law: Respect

27 Feb

“I choose to rise up out of that storm and see that in moments of desperation, fear, and helplessness, each of us can be a rainbow of hope, doing what we can to extend ourselves in kindness and grace to one another. And I know for sure that there is no them…there’s only us.”
-Oprah Winfrey

When emotions rule our thinking, humanity pays the price. We, as a species, are not individual units but a collective. We are One.

Separation is an illusion. That you and I are different is a myth. Physical type, skin color, bone structure are all just externals. They are elements of appearance.

Thought can be measured as Energy. Religion, philosophy, opinion – all of these are just forms of Thought, or Energy. Energy is neither good nor bad, it simply Is.

We judge each other, condemn each other, and even destroy each other based on perceived differences, all of which are really just illusions. The instruments of destruction can be words or physical actions as much as weapons designed to take life.

In the tradition of the ancestors of my spiritual mentor and Elder, Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha, there is only one Law: Respect.

When we relate to ourselves and others with Respect, there can be no harm brought through any means. Through Respect we can achieve Harmony.

Harmony is the state of peaceful co-existance. I’m talking about a world rich in diversity, not homogeneity.

We all must rise to the necessity of choosing to regard all Life as Sacred. That begins with how we think, how we speak, and the actions we take.

It begins with me.

-Deborah Adler

“The system of living for the Cherokee meant being surrounded by demonstrations of value and examples of respect.

“That respect goes out to everything as being valuable. The knowledge that all Creation is a living ecosystem and that even the “body” we call the Universe is the transforming of ourselves. We live “in” and “through” the Great Spirit. Everything is “alive” and therefore is life and needs respect and care. -from Grandmother’s Legacy, by Pa’Ris’Ha Taylor

Grandmother’s Legacy © Copyright 2007 Parisha Online. All Rights Reserved.

©2011 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved. (NOTE: All quotes remain the sole property of the original authors.)

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