Tag Archives: Deb Adler

Just checking in…

1 Apr

It’s been a while since I wrote a new post. I’ve been a little busy on another writing project – not an excuse, but just sayin’…

I am adjusting to life in a small town, Kingman Arizona. It’s not Columbus and whether you believe it or not, I MISS Ohio. As a native Michigander, I never thought I’d hear myself say that, but it’s true!

I moved to Cleveland in 1977 to attend graduate studies at Case Western Reserve University. The school is known for its Medical School, Engineering, Law, etc…I graduated from the 3-year pre-professional acting program with an M.F.A in Acting. The program at that time was a rival of Yale’s 3 year program and we were taught by all professional Equity Actors from the Cleveland Play House! It was an outstanding experience!

I became involved with The Learning Center for Human Development, a global humanitarian organization, and began a journey I’m still on today – almost 30 years later! I have had the privilege of participating in many projects to benefit others. Our recent focus has been to help raise awareness and reduce human trafficking, and we’re seeing successful results.

I helped to build a beautiful conference and retreat center in south-eastern Ohio, along with volunteers from all parts of the U.S., Canada, and countries on every continent around the globe! We worked, we laughed, we learned…it was a glorious time in my life that I truly treasure. Many of those people are still close friends today, and some I am working with in Arizona and Ohio on continued projects.

I met and began to study with LCFHD’s Founder, Pa’Ris’Ha Taylor. She has been and remains today my Traditional Elder, Business /coach and Mentor, and perpetual inspiration to always be the best I can be. I invited into that relationship – I asked her to be a reflection, no bull, no sugar-coating, to help me become my best. I could not have asked for a better experience. Like most successful coaches, she has challenged me, believed in me and celebrated my successes. She has helped me to “fail forward” through my blunders and helped me to develop my leadership capabilities. Out of respect, I call her “Grandmother.”

I spent 16 years living in Summerfield, Ohio, at Friendship Village International Retreat and Conference Center. I was, and is, a magnificent place where I met many people from all over the world, as we were building, and then those who came to enjoy the fruits of our labors. It was built all with volunteer funds and labor – most of us didn’t know squat about construction, but we learned!

I moved to Columbus Ohio in 2009 to take care of some financial and personal matters that needed handling. I found a local studio and recorded a single of my original song “Because You Believe.” I had already been active in the recovery community there and the move helped me strengthen those bonds and further my growth. Trouble is when you finally let the walls down and invest yourself in others, allowing them in…it hurts like hell when you have to move on.

So that’s where it’s at right now. I am in a new adventure, but I also miss the comfort of the known and familiar, and I miss my friends. thankfully, we have FaceBook, where I keep in touch with many from back in Columbus!

When I get really homesick for snow, I can drive to Flagstaff – and I plan to! In the meantime, I am taking it a day at a time here, furthering my education in business management and personal development, making new friends in the recovery community here and appreciating the many opportunities that come my way every day to be of service and connect with others.

Thanks for listening!
©2015 Deborah Adler and Silverstream Corporation. All rights reserved. (NOTE: ALL quotes and/or materials from other authors or sources remain the sole property of the original authors/source.)

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Welcome Home Vietnam Vets

31 Mar

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Sunday, March 30th, 2015, a small group of people gathered at the Kingman AZ Veterans Memorial Park to commemorate the 50th Anniversary of Vietnam War and honor those who served.

I got there late because of work, but got the opportunity to go around and shake hands with some of the Vets there, and say to them that I appreciate their service. Every last one of them took time to tell me how much that meant to them.

I was in high school when Vietnam broke loose. I had classmates who served. I had three cousins who served. One had 3 tours in Nam, and Lew, George and Skip – I’ve never taken the time to tell you how proud I am of each of you and how much I appreciate your service. I still have your Service photos!

When someone asked me today for my impressions of yesterday’s event, I shared with him that i have vivid memories of the protests, and the turbulence of the time. But most importantly, I carry with me the deep regret that the men and women who served in Vietnam were not given a heroes welcome – many were spat on as they returned. They were made the scapegoats and treated like criminals. We can’t change that part of our history, but we can heal it, and help them to heal by expressing our appreciation to them today. They deserve closure. They deserve acknowledgement for their sacrifice. Many still carry the psychological wounds of what they witnessed over there, and what they experienced back here.

Whether or not I may agree or disagree with the reasons for being there, I know this. Most of our young people serve out of a sense duty, a desire to protect, to defend. They buy the image on posters with the perfect dress uniforms. (Maybe we should have posters with blood-stained fatigues and missing body parts.) They learn to follow orders, going where they are told and doing what they believe they must do.

I am not one who supports our politician’s fervor for armed conflict. We send our babies to kill other people’s babies while the decision makers sit comfortably in their homes. In traditional Indigenous Cultures, the Chiefs are who take to the battlefield first. People call them “savages.” (I say who is more savage? Leaders who take responsibility and lead from the front, or those who hide and treat their people as “expendables?”)

The point is this – today when I encounter a person in uniform or a veteran, especially a Vietnam Vets, I make it a point to approach them, stick out my hand and express appreciation for their service. In almost every instance, they a touched and grateful for the acknowledgement.

There’s a lot of “walking wounded” (no pun intended) still out there and we have the ability to help them heal.

Welcome Home Veterans!

©2015 Deborah Adler and Silverstream Corporation. All rights reserved. (NOTE: ALL quotes and/or materials from other authors or sources remain the sole property of the original authors/source.)

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Principles Before Personalities

25 Nov

There is no place for personal prejudices, squabbles, etc., in the rooms of recovery. That is a sacred space where people come to stay sober, addiction free, more sane and/or to help others do the same. For over 70 years the Traditions have guided people from all walks of life, all religions, races, creeds; the believer and non-believer in their quest for recovery from their particular addiction through the unified focus of “singleness of purpose.”

A friend of mine recently experienced a personal attack from another member of AA, whom we’ll call “Miss Self-Importance.“ The attack came in the form of gossip outside the rooms, but the repercussions have spilled back into the room. It’s a small town with few meetings and everyone pretty much knows everyone – in the meetings, as well as in the town.

The good of this situation is that a good number of people have approached her and said “Miss Self-Importance” had tried to spread her story to them and they simply told her they weren’t interested – referencing the Traditions.

The unfortunate part of this situation is that there is a tension there that others have picked up on. In addition, this individual has felt so compelled to enlist a local free-lance reporter to her “cause” of exposing my friend(her issues) who has come to the meetings as a recovering alcoholic. So Tradition 3 states that “the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.” Only the individual can determine whether or not that applies – and it’s not up to anyone else to question. My friend has expressed her concerns to me, and feels there are some telltale signs of deception – but there’s no place that she can go with that right now.

In the meantime, she has maintained herself in accordance with the 12 Traditions and has gone back to staying on topic as far as the discussions go. There have been several very good discussions lately about the Traditions, the “I am Responsible” statement and the right of each to determine their own relationship with the God of their understanding.

My friend has acknowledged the gossip within the meeting without naming names, and the response has been rewardingly “Traditional” amongst the members present. So it’s back to the business at hand – helping each other stay sober one day at a time.

As my friend was relaying this experience to me the other day, she blurted out, “Thank God it was me…and not some new person, or someone more fragile in their recovery. I’ve been blessed with the gift of a solid foundation by many sponsors and Sisters and Brothers in recovery who have shared their experience, strength and hope with me as they faced life challenges. So I wasn’t about to go off and drink.” But she was forthcoming that she had provided some “rent-free” space to “Miss Self-Importance“ in her head for a bit. Also, admittedly, she’s had to really work at what she feels has been a gross disrespect of the 12 Traditions (also her issue).

But what if the object of “Miss Self-Importance” had been a new person, or someone on rocky ground? No one is responsible for another person’s using, but those present need NOT be contributing to someone else’s self-doubts, or sense of belonging in the fellowship.

One has to THINK about how what they do or say is going to affect others in the rooms. There is NO PLACE for personal attacks, not according to the 12 Traditions.

The main purpose is to help each other achieve or stay in sobriety. That’s called support. You don’t have to like everyone in the rooms – and if you have personal issues with someone, park them at the door!

My friend has done everything she can to keep things at “Principles before Personalities” and stay within the tenants of the 12 Traditions. That’s all she can do. Bottom line is: you can’t control anyone else, you can only take care of our own behavior. For my friend, as well as for the others, it’s definitely been an exercise in growing, “practicing these Principles in all our affairs!”

I welcome your response, or sharing of solutions to any similar experience. 🙂

©2014 Deborah Adler and Silverstream Corporation. All rights reserved. (NOTE: ALL quotes and/or materials from other authors or sources remain the sole property of the original authors/source.)

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Free Webinar: Maintaining Calm in a World of Chaos

18 Nov

This Saturday, November 22nd, is an opportunity to tune into a free webinar with Parisha Taylor. There are two times, and if you can’t make either of those, sign-up anyway because you will be able to receive the audio free!

I highly recommend this webinar. I have worked with Parisha Taylor for over 28 years and you can find more of my experiences with her at my blog, My Extraordinary Life with Business Coach Parisha Taylor: Life Lessons in Excellence.

 

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Sign up for the free webinar here: http://nomw.parishas-world.com/maintain-calm/

Every Day is a New Life

11 Nov

One of the greatest examples of intelligent and courageous living I’ve learned in my association with Parisha Taylor, simply stated, is she greets each new day as a new life. Really.

That means not carrying forward any judgement, any drama…a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g…from the previous day’s interaction with an individual. Ever try that? It’s no small feat!

I don’t know that I’ve honestly been able to accomplish that yet. I try – but it takes a lot of practice to just wipe the slate clean from the day before and give a person the clear opportunity to be a different, better person.

Some might judge that as being weak, but I have witnessed time and time again, a power that has come with that practice that I am in awe of and am continually amazed.

In my current situation of coming into contact daily with an individual who has determined that I am some kind of “mortal enemy” that has to be destroyed…looking into those eyes “ain’t easy”! But to do so having released all thoughts, judgement, and conclusions from the day before…I’m still at the “watch my back” phase of development. But I can always strive to practice “A New Day, A New Life.”

After all, it’s in the intention of creating a new behavior, forming new neural nets, or “re-wiring” as they say in brain science these days, that the seeds of achieving that change exist. By being consciously aware of the desire to change, I am one step closer to breaking those old patterns and forming new ones.  Awareness, desire and willingness are key elements.

In the meantime, I smile, I look her in the eye, and I strive to remember that she is a child of the Creator.

-Deb Adler

 

 

 
©2014 Deborah Adler and Silverstream Corporation. All rights reserved. (NOTE: ALL quotes and/or materials from other authors or sources remain the sole property of the original authors/source.)

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On Gossip Mongering and the Truth

8 Nov

October 10, 2014

I stood before two people today and outstretched my hand to the husband. He smiled and the wife instantly threw her arm across him as though she were saving him from falling forward because he had no seat belt restraint in the car.

Are you serious? I asked her incredulously

Yes, I’m serious she shot back. You’re dangerous!

My head was going WTF? But I managed to calmly thank her husband for being willing to shake hands.

Then as I went to sit down I watched her lean toward her husband with her hand cupped and whispering to him like a little girl in third grade. She then leaned to her opposite side and repeated the same behavior to the man sitting next to her.

As the meeting progressed it became increasingly obvious that she had been contacting as many people as she could to “warn” them about me.

The REAL people in the meeting spoke to the issue of “Principles before Personalities” in a way that I knew they were trying to reach out. I knew she wouldn’t hear any of it, but then that’s not my territory to supervise.

 

 

 
©2014 Deborah Adler and Silverstream Corporation. All rights reserved. (NOTE: ALL quotes and/or materials from other authors or sources remain the sole property of the original authors/source.)

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Opportunities for Spiritual Growth

8 Nov

There are some people that I hang out with on a regular basis, and they are for the most part a very lively, fun-loving, life-celebrating group of people who have reason to celebrate every day as a gift – they have come to the other side of addiction and are living free one day at a time.

No one is perfect. Each individual is at their own stage of personal and spiritual development. There are no formal leaders – leadership rotates through volunteers. All that guides these people is a set of “Traditions.” When adhered to, these Traditions have been capable of dissolving perceived differences, “real” or imagined, and allowed people from all walks of life, various religious or non-religious beliefs, diverse social-cultural-political backgrounds come together in a common focus for the good of all. This fellowship extends around the globe  – in practically every country in the world.

With all that being said, Humans are still going to be Humans – and in those moments, may provide what one of my friends likes to describe as a “wonderful opportunity for spiritual growth.”

I have been given one such opportunity lately as a result of my relocation to a fairly small town in Arizona that shall remain unnamed because I do believe in “Principles before Personalities” and the particulars are really incidental to the larger picture and lessons learned.

Having come from a fairly urban setting, I can honestly say I really wasn’t prepared for such a sequence of events – “my bad” as the kids say.  But shortly after I arrived and began participating in the local meetings of this fellowship, one woman found it necessary to delve into my life’s details and felt she had discovered something for which she feels justified in judging me. (See previous post “On Gossip Mongering and the Truth”)

This woman has become a one-person vigilante movement determined to carry her message to everyone who will listen. Fortunately, those people she had approached are practicing the Principles outlined in the Traditions in all their affairs and have rejected her efforts to stir up controversy.

Now, to put this all in perspective, I’m talking about people from all walks of live, who have come back from some of the roughest, rawest experiences in life – ex-cons, prostitutes, thieves, and people who if not on such a drastic level have still cheated themselves and others in the name of being ruled by their addictions prior to recovery.  So who do you think is going to “cast the first stone?”

To add to my frustration, the allegations being made by this woman are not truthful – but have you ever tried to fight against lies? It’s a lot like shadow boxing. You can wear yourself out trying and never get anywhere!

So I have continued to attend the meetings and much to my delight, some “Real” people have stepped up and without directly addressing this person, have definitely addressed the issue of judgment and “singleness of purpose during the discussions and afterward.”

One thing I know is that whenever I look this woman in the eye, she looks away. “Pray for her” would be the advice of my spiritual mentors. And I am.

It’s been interesting and I’m not sure she’s done or just resting…but I know that I have to stay in the now and appreciate the sanity I feel surrounded by from those who have stepped up lovingly to let me know that they don’t give a rat’s ass about gossip or anyone’s background – real or imaginary.

Stay tuned.

-Deb Adler

 

 

 
©2014 Deborah Adler and Silverstream Corporation. All rights reserved. (NOTE: ALL quotes and/or materials from other authors or sources remain the sole property of the original authors/source.)

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