Tag Archives: personal development

Your Observer

11 Feb

Service Driven

20 Apr

“When we wish and seek to help others, our attitude is more positive and relationships become easier. We are less afraid and have less anxiety. Otherwise we remain shy and hesitant, and feel the need to take a thousand precautions before we approach people. When our intentions are good, we have greater self-confidence and are stronger. This is how we learn to understand how precious and valuable kindness is.”  –Dalai Lama

When you have something that you know will help others then you’re not bothering them by getting them the information. My job as the representative of a service that can benefit everyone is to get them the information. Their job is to act on it or not. My job is finished with the hand-off. I don’t need to convince, I just need to inform.

When I keep service uppermost in my mind then I am approaching people from a mind-set of helping them with a service. Zig Ziglar is known for saying you will always get what you want if you just help enough other people get what they want.

My business and spiritual mentor, whom I also call Elder, Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha has demonstrated, through a life of service, the empowerment of bringing service into every aspect of one’s life. Service is not a separate activity you do, but a way of life that is interwoven through your personal, professional and spiritual life.

If I am timid or shy about my services, then I will withhold information. First and foremost I have to believe in my product, my service, or I shouldn’t be offering it. I never know who is in need of what I have to offer, but if I offer it to everyone I encounter, I will find those who have been waiting for someone like me to show up in their lives.

“Vast opportunities are in the greatest chaos, and when you are in discomfort and fear. In comfort you are stagnant; in discomfort you cannot control and must meet the occasion called progress and development.” -Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha*

*© 1986-2011 Parisha Taylor. All rights reserved.

DISCLAIMER: All the opinions expressed in any articles, blog posts and Internet content written by me are my own and do not reflect the opinions or beliefs of any individuals or organizations with whom I associate.

©2011 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved. (NOTE: ALL quotes and/or materials from other authors or sources remain the sole property of the original authors/source.)

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Lessons from the Opposition

18 Mar

“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” – Newton’s Third Law of Motion

This Law of Physics has a practical application in Life. I first heard it expressed by my spiritual mentor and Elder Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha many years ago when she shared how she measures the strength of her declaration to the Universe (i.e. goal, project, intention, etc.) by the strength and size of the opposition that comes back at it.

Most of us have been taught to retreat when we experience resistance. Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha welcomes it as a positive indicator!

According to noted author Fred Alan Wolf, PhD, “Resistance arises in each transformation. This is the transformational process itself.”

Athletes understand this principle. Any long distance runner will tell you about the cramps and the pain that starts up about three-quarters of the way through the race. Champions run through the pain. The Resistance.

That’s just one example.

When we experience opposition we can’t afford to shrink from it. We have to hold our ground and press on. That’s how we succeed – regardless of the goal.

When we speak up or take a stand on an issue or Principle, the opposition is likely to come back strong and heavy. The important thing to remember is to stay focused on our intent and allow that energy to be what fuels our moving ahead. We don’t shrink back or accept defeat.

“Every time you suppress some part of yourself or allow others to play you small, you are in essence ignoring the owner’s manual your Creator gave you and destroying your design.” Oprah Winfrey

We come from a culture of “make-wrong” therefore it’s almost instinctual for us to react to opposition as the “sign” that we are “wrong” or “bad” or worse. Actually, it means we’re “on target.” We need to become a culture of “make-right.”

Celebrate the opposition because it means you’re on track to your target. Don’t let others sway you. And don’t let the “bullies” become the wall you can’t break through – whether physically or in your mind. That “committee of voices” can be pretty formidable at times. Use it.

-Deborah Adler

“If your outcome is not achieved this time you’ll get it next one, or next one… Persist. As soon as you have no doubt it is yours. Now is the time to focus more and push through.” Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha


DISCLAIMER: All the opinions expressed in any articles, blog posts and Internet content written by me are my own and do not reflect the opinions or beliefs of any individuals or organizations with whom I associate.

©2011 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved. (NOTE: ALL quotes and/or materials from other authors or sources remain the sole property of the original authors/source.)

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The Value of A Reflection

6 Mar

“There is a lesson in almost everything that you do, and getting the lesson is how you move forward. It is how you enrich your spirit.”-Oprah Winfrey

I have learned the importance of seeking a “reflection” over the years in my association with Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha.  A “Reflection” – just as the word implies – is a starkly objective feeding back of what you give to it. It does not judge, it does not seek to improve upon or make better or compensate for, but like the mirror – which holds no opinions of what it sees – it merely “reflects” back.

A great coach is an accomplished Reflector.

I taught swimming for ten years through the Red Cross Water Safety programs at Girl Scout summer resident camps in Michigan and Ohio. This was long before the age of camera phones, digital movies, etc. We had to use words to communicate to our swimmers – to help them understand the difference between what they were doing and the proper execution of a swimming stroke.

One tool that I developed that became tremendously successful was the ability to mimic the student’s movements. So I became a sort of live human “video-cam” to “playback” their execution in the water while they watched from my vantage point on the deck.

One thing it allowed was for them to laugh at themselves when they saw the sometimes large gap between what they thought they were doing and their actual movements. I would show them what they were doing and then show them the correct stroke.

It turned out to be a very successful teaching tool.

Whenever I had to correct a student’s stroke – I gave them something they were doing right. I found something they were executing correctly and reinforced that. But I didn’t lie to them. I didn’t try to look past or minimize what they were doing wrong. I showed them what needed adjusting – in order to perfect their technique and execute the stroke properly.

A good swimming teacher has two objectives in mind. Some students will want to compete. So they’re interested in speed and efficiency. But ALL students need to be drown-proof. A good swimming teacher will give their students tools that will help them maximize their energy in a survival situation, and keep them from exhausting themselves in practice or recreational swimming.

The fact is swimming strokes have been modified and stream-lined over the years to require less energy and maximize a swimmer’s power working together with the resistance factor of the water. When executed correctly, a swimmer can utilize the resistance of the water to propel themselves forward, maximizing and even conserving energy.

When executed sloppily or incorrectly, the swimmer can actually find him/herself working against natural forces and will exhaust themselves in the effort.

My goal was always to help my swimmers achieve their best performance – whether for competition or just plain efficiency. I helped them there by holding no judgment of what I saw, reflecting their performance back to them and helping them to make the necessary and appropriate corrections to bring them up to optimum performance.

Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha has been the ultimate coach in my life. She holds no judgment, reflects without distortion and stays steadfast in her commitment to helping others achieve excellence. I haven’t always been the best student, but I’m no quitter. So long as I don’t give up on myself, Coach Pa’Ris’Ha is there.

I have been very blessed to have someone in my life who cared enough about me to help me be my best. Too often we surround ourselves with people who are afraid to offend us, who are afraid to deliver the truth. But then that simply enables us in our weaknesses. It really doesn’t serve personal development, in fact it stunts it. Personal growth requires stretching beyond our comfort zones – being willing and able to take direct feedback without injury and change.

If I run from the truth, I live in a world of denial. The fact is that that existence creates a far greater pain than facing the truth and acting upon it. With the support of a skilled and compassionate but firm coach, learning from a “Reflection” can become a life of discovery and unfoldment.

It’s always a choice.

“All around you no matter where you are is opportunity. You decide its potential and outcome. You are the co-creators. Make a life worthy of all the gifts we are. Love from a place empty of fear. Live in eternal celebration of being chosen for this world and life, and if we manage well, we will dwell in its glory and beauty again.” –Pa’Ris’Ha Taylor*

* from Grandmother’s Legacy. © Copyright 2007 Parisha Online. All Rights Reserved.

 

-Deborah Adler

©2011 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved. (NOTE: All quotes remain the sole property of the original authors.)

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Confessions of a Positive Thinker

2 Mar

I’ve had a couple of challenging days. And I have a confession to make. As much as I write about and expound the virtues and benefits of “positive thinking” – it’s not always my first instinctual response to adverse circumstances.

Sometimes I have to work my way around to that “silver lining,” that hidden gift, that blessing in disguise – well, you get the picture. Sometimes staying positive feels like hard work!

I’m pretty sure my spiritual mentor and Elder is laughing as she reads this. When I first met her and stated my desire to commit to the path of personal and spiritual development, she looked at me and said, “It’s going to take work.”

I remember feeling slightly offended and confused. “What does she mean?” I thought to myself. “I am a hard worker.” I laughed nervously and just shook my head up and down in agreement, but twenty-five years later, I have at least a glimpse of what she was trying to forewarn me.

“Taking the high road,” as I have come to call it (borrowed from an actress who has inspired me with her ability to make the best of the adversity in her life) doesn’t always necessarily come easy. But the rewards are obvious.

“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.” –Oprah Winfrey

Every day we wake up we face choices:

How do we start our day? Giving Appreciation for the gift of a New Life? (As is the traditional practice my spiritual mentor and Elder, Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha).

Do we see everyone in our life as mere reflections or aspects of ourselves?

Do we embrace the opposition or resistance and transform that into the creative energy we need to break through to victory?

These are all choices. There are so many more – moment to moment –  that comprise our day.

“Want success? Just count the good things of each day and give grateful acknowledgment that you have allowed it to be part of your day!” Pa’Ris’Ha Taylor

Sometimes I need to rely on “tools” – like the slogans of the 12-Step Programs – to help me into “right thinking.”

“Let go and let God.”

”Live and let live.”

“One day at a time.”

“First things first”

“How important is it?”

Sometimes I have to talk to myself – like the Observer, and say, “So, Deb…is that really what you wanted to do?” When the answer is “no” I get to make a course correction, or “re-take” as Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha refers to it.

The point is that personal growth is about stretching. It’s work. At least for me. Being positive doesn’t always come naturally to me, but if I commit to the process of transforming my mental state to a positive one, the rewards extend to physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

The ultimate reward is that the ripple effect of one person choosing to be positive has an exponential effect upon humanity.

“Just one optimistic person, with a willingness to allow people to grow from mis-takes, can affect 90,000 others. That’s what one person can do.” Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha

That’s cool! – Deborah Adler

©2011 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved. (NOTE: All quotes remain the sole property of the original authors.)

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False Evidence Appearing Real

12 Dec

Whatever you fear most has no power – it is your fear that has the power.

-Oprah Winfrey


How often I have heard my Spiritual Mentor and Elder Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha summarize “F-E-A-R” as:

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real

Most often what I fear is the result of dwelling in the future or past, rather than staying in the present moment. When I spend my time obsessing about a person or situation, then that obsession is what takes me over so that my fear is generated by the obsession rather than the actual person or circumstances.

I have taken part in many Fire Dances, or “Firewalks” as some call them, in which people from varied backgrounds and experiences, myself included, have walked across a bed of hot coals – sometimes several times in the same evening – without getting burned.

I have helped to build many of those fires, tended them and raked them out prior to the Fire Dances. Let me assure you there is nothing illusionary about the heat generated from that very real fire! Nor does one cross by tricking the mind into believing that the coals are “cool moss” or any other lie.

To confront one’s fears requires revealing the truth. The truth is that Fire is Energy. We are Energy. When we become one with the fire, in respect, we walk across it without being burned. One doesn’t always walk their first time either. I didn’t. Walking the Fire is about listening to and trusting the Still Small Voice Within. It is about personal empowerment through resolving our fear. i.e. “to deal with successfully”

So it is in life that our expectations are what “burn” us. We give power to our ignorance – the lack of knowledge – and allow it to rule us. Sometimes that means living in paralysis because our “fear” keeps us from taking action.

I have learned from personal experience the wisdom imparted by Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha of confronting our fears in order to break free of self-imposed limitations. Whatever or whomever we “fear” – we have to “take it on” in order to resolve it.

I did door-to-door selling for a number of years. Every time I opened a door and said “hello” I was overcoming my fear of rejection. I had some wonderful adventures and met people who shared with me about their businesses and families, their work in the community. I got some grinches, but overall, my life is much richer today for all those I strangers I met and got to know because I didn’t give my fear of walking through the door have power over me.

Today as I work my network marketing business I re-visit that challenge of overcoming the fear of rejection every time I pick up the phone or approach someone. But here’s what I know – if I don’t call them or don’t stick out my hand and say “hello” – I won’t make contact. Contacts lead to presentations. Presentations lead to sales. To get on the score board, I have to get in the game – butterflies or not.

It all goes back to choice.

©2010 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved.

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When The Going Gets Tough, Do You Keep Going?

1 Aug

“WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, DO YOU KEEP GOING?

“You have nothing to lose if you fail, but everything to gain by trying again.

“When you journal daily make a point to highlight what you have learned and what has changed in you. It is always what is inside that determines what we experience in each situation. We are human and this is the way we evolve and mature.

“We exchange time for experience…That is life.

“Take charge of yours…make goals and keep them.

“Make goals that involve stretching, but allow them to be within your means.

Daily accomplishments strengthen us.

Make some goals accomplishable on your way to major leaps!”*

These words are from my long time business coach and mentor Parisha Taylor. She is constantly reminding those of us she works with of the value of “failing forward.”   In her words, when we experience a “mis-take” we can easily do a “re-take” thus turning the learning experience from our “failure” into the building blocks of the next success. It’s that simple.

Grandmother Parisha was raised in a culture that provided a nourishing environment for learning through mis-takes and re-takes. So it’s natural for her to live and teach from this simple truth. For those of us who grew up with parents, teachers or other authority figures who might have admonished, criticized or demeaned us for our mistakes, we have to overcome old feelings of embarrassment or being “wrong” which we learned to equate with being “bad.”

Our upbringings are what they were. We can’t change the people from our past. But we CAN change the lessons we bring forward from the past.

Long after those “authority figures” are out of our lives, we allow their voices to occupy space in our heads. We bring forward those feelings of shame, hurt, or anger that block us from the freedom to make mistakes. We live in a culture that confuses “ignorance” for “stupidity,’ and condemns anything less than perfection, which in itself is self-defeating. Self admonishment is not an effective teacher. I know.

Life is a perpetual learning lab. It’s up to us to decide to be the perpetual student. By freeing ourselves from the old stigmas of making mistakes, we create an environment for ourselves that inspires success through persistence. Far too many people quit when they are closer than they realize to their goal.

By journaling our day at night-time before going to bed, as Coach Parisha Taylor advises, we can stake stock of the day’s successes and failures. We take note of what worked and what we could have done better or differently. These are the lessons we bring forth from our day – be it business, relationships, whatever.

Our experiences change us, if we chose to learn from them.  Journaling can assist to gain a perspective on that as well. “It is always what is inside that determines what we experience in each situation.”

Coach Parisha Taylor once shared these words with us from another great motivator, Brian Tracy: “RESOLVE in advance that you will never give up…RESOLVE to persist until you succeed.”  She reminds us that by refusing to stop, we become unstoppable!

Coach Parish’s also taught that time is the most precious commodity we have.  It is the only thing that we spend that we can never get back once we have. We can always get more money, more things…but time, once it’s gone, it’s gone. So exchanging out time for experience is a great way to make sure we get the most out of it every day. Miss no opportunity to learn from an interaction, a situation, however seemingly small or insignificant. For those moments will become the building blocks that we can utilize to take on the mountains we dare to dream about!

By treating life as an opportunity instead of a “sentence” – by realizing that every day is a gift, an adventure – by nurturing and loving ourselves – we can take on the most horrendous of circumstances and triumph – One victory at a time! – Deb Adler

*©1986-2010 Parisha Taylor. All rights reserved.

©2010 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved.

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